ntimate relationship has long been viewed and lived as a lesser alternative to spiritual life. More recently, the need to integrate our spiritual and intimate lives, rather than maintaining separate spheres and relationships on autopilot, has become increasingly apparent. Given the high rates of infidelity and divorce, it would seem that the possibilities of freedom through intimacy have not been explored in much depth. Too often we pull away when relationships become difficult, missing out on the rewards of connecting more profoundly.
The passage from immature to mature monogamy is not only a journey of ripening intimacy with a partner, but also a journey into and through zones of ourselves that may be very difficult to accept and integrate with the rest of our being. Transformation through Intimacy explores intimate relationships through a four-stage lens: me-centered, we-centered codependent, we-centered coindependent, and being-centered. Bringing his many years of experience as a psychotherapist and spiritual practitioner to the subject, Masters shows readers not only how to navigate the thickets of reactivity, conflict, shame, anger, fear, and doubt, but how to understand them in a new light so that a deeper level of relating to oneself and one’s partner becomes possible, opening new levels of trust, commitment, and love.
Reviews and Endorsements:
“I love this book! There is a depth, a magic, and a sense of ultimate fulfillment that we find through learning to love one other person completely.… This is a hero’s and a heroine’s journey; it asks everything of us, but also gives us all we have ever longed for. We need a great guide on such a journey, and Masters is such a one, walking by our side as we venture into deeper waters, finding an ever-deeper healing and freedom through awakened monogamy.”—Arjuna Ardagh, author of The Translucent Revolution
“A thought-provoking, clear, passionate, and powerful road map straight to the nectar of intimate love. In the crucible/sanctuary of committed monogamous partnership, Masters shows us how to realize our deepest potentials for mutual healing, integration, and awakening, as well as how to come radically alive in what he calls ‘the ashram of the twenty-first century.’”—Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling in “The One”
“An illuminating and practical book about how intimate relationship can be a path for deep healing, transformation, and awakening. Masters writes with strength and precision—pay particular attention to his groundbreaking chapters on emotion and sexuality.”—Gay Hendricks, PhD, author of Five Wishes and The Big Leap
“This is an important and tremendously useful book, packed with wisdom and insight. Highly recommended!”—Ken Wilber, author of The Integral Vision
“For anyone who wants to more deeply understand the seeming mystery of relationship—and transform their partnership to a sublime union of souls.”—Barry Vissell, MD, and Joyce Vissell, RN, MS, authors of The Shared Heart
“Transformation through Intimacy is so comprehensive, so down-to-earth, so vivid and raw, so unflinching and kind, so patient and persistent, it's hard to imagine that a more potent guidebook to healing the multiple dis-eases of today’s intimacies could possibly appear. There isn't a couple on earth, nor a single seeking someone to love, nor anyone exploring multiple partnering or other unconventional arrangements, who can't benefit by looking into the numerous mirrors Robert holds up here as he traces our potential growth through four stages of maturity in intimacy.... Robert has distilled into simple, ordinary essences his highly sophisticated awareness of philosophical, developmental, and clinical theory and his vast years of experience in therapeutic and teaching practice. The result is a book that anyone with a feeling heart, a questing mind, and a dedicated willingness to deeply encounter self and other can surely understand and grow from immensely—again and again."
—Saniel Bonder, founder, Waking Down in Mutuality, author of Ultimaya 1.0 and Healing the Spirit/Matter Split
“Robert Masters grabs us like no other couples therapist because his ear for the normalized reactivity and interpersonal laziness we bring to our close relationships is alarmingly familiar. No one can read this book and mindlessly fall back on ‘I’m doing the best I can’ or ‘I’m only human.’ But, happily … you will no longer want to. Masters’s no-nonsense recognition of our immaturity fuels a profound and hopeful understanding of couples development where a genuine trust in Beingness neither bypasses immaturity nor allows it to run the show. Through his own intense investigation of intimate relationship, Masters teaches us that if we are willing to roll up our sleeves, we can discover that what we have always wanted actually exists: the safety with our beloved to be raw and unfiltered … and the safety to truly live in our Bigness. At a time when many are questioning the viability of long-term monogamy, Transformation through Intimacy shows us that we ultimately have only two romantic choices: boredom or grace.”—Nancy Dreyfus, PsyD, author of Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love
“Transformation through Intimacy is a bold, refreshing guide for anyone craving a deeper, more authentic connection with their beloved—and willing to dive into new depths of compassion, understanding, and honesty. The rewards are exponential, as I’ve experienced personally. Robert truly is a master.”—Mary Allen, author of The Power of Inner Choice
“In this oh-so-brilliant book, Masters calls us out from behind our relational hiding places, reminding us that there is a sacred, expansive path lying in waiting for us beyond the bondage of our unconscious connections. With powerful and heartfelt language, he paints a new and wondrous portrait of possibility for intimate relationship, one that awakens us to the often unseen universe that lives between and within our hearts. It is right there, close at heart, just waiting to be uncovered, embraced, and explored. Transformation through Intimacy is a magnificent map of awakening. I highly recommend it to anyone who is ready to plunge deeper in their relational life.”—Jeff Brown, author of Soulshaping
“A profoundly illuminating book! Robert Augustus Masters’s breadth of expertise and depth of heart reveal the way to become intimate with all of who you are. His guidance is compassionate, penetrating, and clear as a bell, calling you into the very heart of relational intimacy. When Transformation through Intimacy becomes required reading for teenagers, our world will transform! Robert is truly a master of human transformation. If you are ready to deepen your emotional intelligence and experience wholehearted, wide-awake, relational intimacy, this book is for you.”—Terah Kathryn Collins, author of The Western Guide to Feng Shui
“Transformation through Intimacy is a plea that couples not settle for anything less than awakened monogamy, defined as attachment built on total trust that enlivens, gladdens, and expands. It sparkles with Masters’s many gems mined from decades of counseling and inner work.”—Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow
"This book will inspire you to do what it takes to create a deeply loving, monogamous—but not monotonous—relationship.”—Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples
About the Author:
Robert Augustus Masters, PhD, is the author of 11 books, including Spiritual Bypassing, Divine Dynamite, and Freedom Doesn’t Mind Its Chains. He holds a doctorate in psychology, and is a master integral psychotherapist and trainer of psychotherapists. He lives in Ashland, OR.