People with BPD can be compassionate, caring, smart, and funny, but they are also prone to explosive emotional outbursts and highly self-destructive acts. BPD expert Dr. Shari Manning helps overwhelmed loved ones understand why their spouse, adult child, or other family member acts so "impossible" -and learn to respond differently. She presents simple yet powerful strategies that can radically transform a troubled relationship. Loads of true stories demonstrate ways to defuse crises, set limits, and help the person with BPD build crucial problem-solving and emotion-management skills. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for significant others grounded in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD. Dr. Manning is a longtime associate of DBT originator Marsha M. Linehan.
"The title says it all! Dr. Manning explains what she has learned about the true nature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) from the experts themselves—those who have the disorder. She shows family and friends how our instinctive responses to the crises associated with BPD are frequently ineffective or even harmful, and illuminates what we can do differently, providing practical, incisive, step-by-step guidance. The book helps readers understand their complicated relationship with a person with severe emotion dysregulation. It provides valuable tools for dealing with self-harm, suicidality, and hospitalization decisions. Of crucial importance, Dr. Manning clearly affirms that BPD—and the pain experienced by those who suffer—is real. We highly recommend this book."
-Jim and Diane Hall, Family Educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
"Dr. Manning's compassion, understanding, and nonjudgmental approach resonate on every page of this readable, helpful book. She eloquently describes the challenges of caring for someone with BPD and provides numerous step-by-step strategies for dealing with common problems. Highly recommended."
-Michaela Swales, PhD, School of Psychology, Bangor University, United Kingdom
Table of Contents:
Foreword, Marsha M. Linehan
I. Understanding Your Loved One and Your Relationship
1. "Why Do I Feel So Lost in This Relationship?"
2. What Makes Someone So Emotional?
3. The Hidden Power of Validation
4. Five Steps to Balanced Responses and Better Outcomes
II. The Many Faces of Borderline Personality Disorder
5. "I Can't Stand Feeling Like This!"
6. "It Was All My Fault"
7. "You Have to Fix This for Me!"
8. "Things Are Awful . . . but Don't Worry; I'm Handling It"
9. "Why Do Terrible Things Keep Happening to Me?"
10. "Nothing's Wrong—I'm Fine"
III. Dealing with Crisis and Getting Help
11. Handling Your Own Difficult Emotions
12. Understanding Self-Harm/Suicide and Making Decisions about Hospitalization
13. Getting Treatment and Support
About the Author:
Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a clinician in private practice and the former President/CEO of Behavioral Tech and Behavioral Tech Research, the organizations founded by Marsha M. Linehan to provide training in DBT. Dr. Manning has focused on the treatment of people with BPD since 1993. She lives in Columbia, South Carolina.
--- from the publisher