Hostile and contentious divorces aren’t uncommon. But if you’ve been separated or divorced for more than a year or two and things haven’t gotten better, something is very wrong. If you’re not working together in a spirit of cooperation for the good of your children, you have not resolved the emotions following a divorce so you can go about the important job ahead: co-parenting your children!
You can change the unproductive communication cycle you and your co-parent may have developed and go from a relationship featuring anger and hostility to one less volatile, more cooperative, and healthier for your children. Children caught up in post-divorce conflict are in considerable danger to suffer physically, emotionally, and behaviorally.
The authors’ intent for this book is to help you save your children—and yourself — from the ravages of anger, hostility, and conflict. They give you specific strategies you can use to resolve, overlook, or put aside the conflicts with your co-parent and get to the crucial task of being good parents.
• Help in determining why you are still fighting and how to break the conflict cycle
• Solid advice for identifying issues and learning how to let go of your anger
• Effective communication techniques
• Strategies to change yourself
• Strategies to change your co-parent
• Tools for successful co-parenting, despite your differences
--- from the publisher
Reviews and Endorsements:
"When children are involved, marriage is an 'irrevocable trust' that transcends divorce. Take Control of Your Divorce is a comprehensive, eminently practical guide that will help high-conflict couples avoid needlessly acrimonious pitfalls, and build a foundation for their children to thrive. I will keep copies on hand for my clients."
--Jeffrey K. Zeig, Ph.D., Director, The Milton H. Erickson Foundation
"An excellent resource for separated and divorced couples who are caught on the treadmill of high conflict co-parenting...practical advice to co-parents on managing their anger, learning the importance of forgiving, and learning to let go of their battles."
--Philip Stahl, Ph.D., author of Parenting After Divorce and Conducting Child Custody Evaluations: From Basic to Complex Issues
Section I: If Youâ€™re Still Fighting After the Divorce Is Over, You Are Still Emotionally Married
Chapter 1 If Youâ€™re Still Fighting, Then Youâ€™re Stuck in a Rut!
Chapter 2 What Keeps the Conflict Alive?
Section II: Strategies to Change Yourself
Chapter 3 What Is Your Goal?
Chapter 4 Identifying Your Emotional Hot Buttons
Chapter 5 Letting Go of Your Anger
Chapter 6 Apologies and How to Use Them
Chapter 7 The Courage to Forgive (or, Forgiving Your Co-Parent Frees You)
Chapter 8 Understanding and Using Your Power Effectively
Chapter 9 Picturing Your Children: Why Do You Need a Relationship with Your Co-Parent?
Chapter 10 Creating Your Own Healing Ritual
Section III: Strategies to Change Your Co-Parent
Chapter 11 Relearning Basic Communication Techniques
Chapter 12 Communicating by Email or Text Messages
Chapter 13 Practice Makes Perfect
Chapter 14 Using a Format to Resolve Your Conflicts
Chapter 15 Making Change Happen: With or Without Your Co-Parentâ€™s Cooperation
Section IV: Special Considerations as You Continue to Try to Improve Your Communication with Your Co-Parent
Chapter 16 Improving Your Relationship with a Co-Parent with Special Needs and Problems
Section V: Wrapping It Up: You Can Be Successful Co-Parents Despite Your Conflicts
Chapter 17 Co-Parenting Successfully Despite Your Conflicts and Differences
About the Authors:
Judith Margerum, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and co-director of the Michigan Family Institute. Dr. Margerum received her doctorate from the University of Detroit and has over 20 years' experience working with families experiencing difficult problems. She provides professional consultation and training as well as therapy.
Jerome A. Price, M.A., is the director and founder of the Michigan Family Institute. He is an internationally known brief therapist, teacher and consultant who is widely published. He is contributing author in several books, has written numerous articles, and is author of the books Power and Compassion, The Right to Be the Grownup, and co-author of Defusing the High-Conflict Divorce. Price is an approved supervisor for the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
James Windell, M.A., is a court psychologist at the Oakland County (Michigan) Circuit Court where he conducts group therapy with adolescent delinquents and treats high-conflict divorce couples. He is the author of several parenting, medical, and criminal justice books, and is a co-author of Defusing the High-Conflict Divorce. He teaches at Wayne State University, writes a weekly parenting column for newspapers, and is the editor of The Michigan Psychologist.