This workbook is intended for use with couples who want to enhance their emotional connection or overcome their relationship distress. It is recommended for use with couples pursuing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It closely follows the course of treatment and is designed so that clinicians can easily integrate guided reading and reflections into the therapeutic process. The material is presented in a recurring format: Read, Reflect, and Discuss. Readings help couples look at their relationship through an attachment lens, walking them through the step-by-step process of creating a secure relationship bond. 33 Reflections invite readers to engage with the material personally, expanding their own awareness and ability to tune into their partner. Discussion sections suggest relationship-building exercises and a framework for conversations that promote safety, disclosure, and engagement. Case examples, along with informative illustrations, are scattered throughout the book to validate, illustrate, and inspire couples along their journey. Clinicians conversant with EFT can use this workbook to extend the effectiveness of their work with couples by giving them structured tasks to work on between sessions. For clinicians training in EFT, the book can guide them in staying focused on the EFT roadmap and illuminate how important change events unfold.
“The perspectives and exercises offered here are right on target; they arise from a clear understanding of the bonds of love and how these bonds work in adult relationships… We hope that this book will help you do just that – shape your precious relationship into a more satisfying and lasting bond.” - Dr. Sue Johnson, From the Foreword
"This book offers ’power tools’ for couples who want to look deeply at themselves and their relationship. The authors go a lot deeper than routine techniques of marital communication--they get to the heart of the matter. And so will you if you read, digest, and practice what this books offers."-- William J. Doherty, PhD, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota, USA and Author of Take Back Your Marriage
"At last a workbook for couples that faithfully mirrors the process of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It's like having 2 master EFT therapists come home with you during the week to support and guide you to maintain the progress you make in therapy sessions and improve your relationship more quickly. In-depth explanations and reflective exercises will help you to explore your emotions, articulate them better for yourself, and express them to your partner. I will recommend this workbook to every one of the couples in my practice!"-- Marlene Best, PhD, Clinical Professor in Clinical Psychology, University of Ottawa, Canada; Certified EFT Therapist, Supervisor & Trainer
"This workbook, based on Emotionally Focused Therapy, includes excellent exercises that focus on helping couples create positive communication patterns in place of the destructive ones that negatively affect their relationships. Drawing on extensive research and clinical experience, this book will help couples strengthen their trust in one another as well as heal past hurts. I recommend it for use in marriage enrichment groups, as well as by individual couples." --Patricia Noller PhD, Emeritus Professor, School of Psychology, University of Queensland, Australia
Table of Contents
Foreword Sue Johnson 1. Introduction: Who is this Book For? 2. What Happened to Us? Three Cycles of Relationship Distress 3. Attachment Bonds: The Best Chance of Survival 4. My Partner and Me: What Influenced Who We Are and How We Are in Close Relationships? 5. Emotions: How to Make Sense of Them 6. More About Emotions: What Are We both Feeling? 7. More Difficult Emotions: Contempt, Hurt, Shame, Guilt and Jealousy 8. The Road to Security is Paved with Good Intentions 9. Rebuilding Our Bond 10. Relationship Injury: How Can We Repair the Damage? 11. Stories of Change 12. Maintaining Intimacy and Revitalizing your Sex Life 13. Looking Ahead: Anticipating Life Transitions
About the Authors:
Veronica Kallos-Lilly, PhD, is a Registered Psychologist and Co-Founder and Director of the Vancouver & Family Institute and the Vancouver Centre for EFT Training in British Columbia, Canada. She is also a certified EFT supervisor and trainer.
Jennifer Fitzgerald, PhD, is a Clinical Psychologist and senior lecturer at the University of Queensland in Australia. She is also a certified EFT supervisor and trainer.