Sex Addiction: A Guide for Couples and Those Who Help Them is a practical book that provides empathic support, guidance, information and pragmatic strategies for couples who want to survive sex and porn addiction - whether that’s together, or apart.
Sex and porn addiction devastates couple relationships, and unlike the impact of infidelity, there is no ‘before’ to get back to and no ‘after’. This book adopts the metaphor of a boat, presenting addiction as the tidal wave that devastates the relation-ship, leaving both crew members fighting for survival. There’s guidance to ensure each partner makes it safely back to shore and advice on surveying the damage to your relation-ship and deciding if you want to save it and set sail again. You’ll find practical advice for both the partner and the addicted partner, including first-hand accounts of couples that have already undertaken the journey. There are exercises to do alone, and many to share together, to help you understand what’s happened, consider your future, and if you choose to stay together, begin the task of rebuilding trust and intimacy.
Sex Addiction is not only a practical guide for couples, but also for the therapists who support them. This book will be a companion to Paula Hall’s previous books on sex addiction and builds on the already known frameworks and models used, but it is also written to stand alone.
"I highly recommend this book for couples whose lives are being affected by sex addiction, not to mention clinicians working in the field. As with Paula Hall’s other publications, it is clear, comprehensive, and keeps the needs of the reader in mind at all times. Not only does the book provide insight, it also offers a wealth of practical advice, getting down to the detail where it’s most helpful. The author makes excellent use of real-life, client stories. This not only offers first-hand understanding of what it’s like for couples to be caught up in sex addiction, but offers hope that things can and do get better. Paula Hall is a leading authority on sex addiction. This comes across in the book, making it an important and up-to-date addition to resources already available." - Dr Simon Draycott, Chartered Counselling Psychologist. Chair of the ATSAC (Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity)
"A book that offers hope to couples who otherwise wouldn’t know where to turn or how to begin to heal from this destructive path. It will also be an invaluable guide to those who try to help them." - Philippa Perry, Psychotherapist, author, broadcaster.
"At last, a well-written and accessible self-help guide to resolving one of the fastest-growing problems of our age – sex and pornography addiction. Every day I hear from couples whose relationship is being ruined by this blight – both those with the addiction and their partners are desperate for help. It’s great there is now a reliable guide I can recommend." - Deidre Sanders – Dear Deidre, agony aunt of The Sun.
"Paula’s book, part of a ground-breaking series looking at sexual addiction from multiple perspectives. This time the focus is on the couple relationship. Using her extensive knowledge and experience as a couple counsellor, linked with her expertise on sexual addiction, the book is sure to become a handbook for any counsellor working with couples in this area. It is full of relevant information, case work and most importantly practical advice. This book differs from others in the series because it also focuses on how a counsellor can get the best use from the material with summaries at the end of a chapter to enable learning." - Peter Saddington Practice Clinical Supervisor at Relate Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire
"I am so pleased that Paula Hall has taken on the difficult task of writing a book for couples in recovery from sex addiction! This has to be one of the most difficult topics to write about in a way that is honest, helpful, and hope-giving. Paula addresses the healing process with courage and in ways that encourage hope. Whether you are a clinician or a couple in recovery, you will find helpful and practical resources in this book around issues related to healing such as trauma, disclosure, trust-building, intimacy, and traumatic growth. While there is no "one- size fits all" approach for any healing process, Paula has outlined many of the important guidelines and signposts for just such a journey." - Barbara Steffens PhD, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC), Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS), and President of the Board of APSATS. Co-author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How partners can cope and heal (Steffens & Means, 2009).
"This is a very welcome book, which provides practical and sensible help and advice for couples who face the relationship disruption resulting from a partner in the grips of a sexually addictive pattern of behaviour. Paula sensitively explores many of the taboos, stigmas and issues of isolating secrecy that these couples can experience in wider society. With great insight, she examines the difficulties people face in having this increasingly common and destructive problem recognised and treated. This is an excellent resource for couples and one that will be helpful to both experienced therapists and those in training." - Andrew Yates Chair of COSRT (College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists)
"This groundbreaking book will lead couples in the direction of straight-forward actions toward healing individually and together - should they choose to do so. Sex Addiction: A Guide for Couples and Those Who Help Them fills a gap in helping couples use practical guidelines to re-launch their life together in the traumatic aftermath of infidelity, ultimately realizing the possibility of their intimate and sexual potential." - Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D. author, Sex Addiction As Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment
Table of Contents
Part I: Surviving the Storm 1. Why sex and porn addiction hurts so much 2. Understanding the reality of sex addiction 3. Prioritising individual recovery 4. Surviving the impact stage Part II: Assessing the Damage 5. Understanding the importance of disclosure 6. Analysing the condition of your relationship 7. Navigating the meaning stage 8. Considering the decision to stay or leave Part III: Re-launching your life – Alone 9. Having a ‘healthy’ divorce 10. Helping children cope with your divorce Part IV: Re-launching your life - Together 11. Acknowledging and accepting new roles 12. Understanding the essential role of forgiveness 13. Rebuilding trust 14. Developing and deepening intimacy
About the Author
Paula Hall is a UKCP-registered sexual and relationship psychotherapist, specialising in sex and porn addiction. She is Clinical Director of the Laurel Centre, which provides treatment services around the UK and accredited diploma-level training to professionals. She is also founder of the Hall Recovery Course and a founder trustee of ATSAC.