Inspired by Buddhist teachings and psychoanalytic thought, this book explores gentleness as a way of being and a developmental achievement. It offers reflections on the unique position of "gentle people", as well as certain gentle layers of the psyche in general, as they meet the world. Examining the perceptual-sensory-conscious discrepancy that often exists between a gentle person and their surroundings, it follows the intricate relationship between sensitivity and fear, the need for self-holding, and the possibility of letting go.
Incorporating theoretical investigation, clinical vignettes, and personal contemplation, the book looks into those states of mind and qualities of attention that may compose a favorable environment, internal and interpersonal, where gentleness can be delicately held. There, it is suggested, gentleness may gradually shed the fragility, confusion, and destructiveness that often get entangled with it, and serve as a valuable recourse.
Offering a unique perspective on a topic rarely discussed, the book has broad appeal for both students and practitioners of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, as well as Buddhist practitioners and scholars.
"Barnea-Astrog’s choice to study ‘gentleness’ as a phenomenon and consider it in a way hitherto unattempted in psychoanalysis is astounding. Her book offers a rich, profound yet simple and accessible lexicon of psychoanalytic and Buddhist insights and their interrelations, which enables us to understand gentleness as an existential substrate and avenue to a unique experience of being in the world. The author’s personal manner of writing, interspersed with clinical vignettes and illustrations from both western and eastern wisdom, allows for an exciting and instructive, intimate and dreaming associative reading experience. In tumultuous and violent times, this book not only illuminates but also holds out the relief of gentleness."
- Merav Roth (PhD), clinical psychologist and training psychoanalyst, teacher and supervisor in the Israeli Psychoanalytic Society and the Psychotherapy program in Tel-Aviv University. Chair of Post-graduate Kleinian Studies program and of the Interdisciplinary Doctoral Program in Psychoanalysis, the Sackler School of Medicine, Tel-Aviv University. Editor of Klein - Essential Papers - Vol II with J. Durban (2013) and Reading the Reader - A psychoanalytic perspective on literature (2019).
"A beautiful book exploring the role, fate and possibilities of gentleness in life. Professor Barnea-Astrog draws from psychoanalysis and Buddhism and a rich reservoir of resources that play a role in our makeup. She discusses difficulties we face and supports us in our quest for opening to the call of existence, its mysteries and hopes. A long overdue caring, thoughtful and detailed study of the importance of gentleness, its challenges and gifts."
- Michael Eigen, The Challenge of Being Human
"In this book Michal Barnea-Astrog beautifully describes the experience of gentleness that some of us carry throughout the life cycle. If you have sensed and learned to protect yourself from the too-much-ness of life, you will find yourself in this book. With skill and sensitivity, Barnea-Astrog offers a way to understand and appreciate this gentle nature and the many developmental challenges that accompany it. Using psychoanalytic theory and Buddhist spiritual teachings, she offers the reader a rare glimpse into a way of being that can be supported and nurtured in family systems, communities, and intimate relationships of all kinds. This is a timely book that encourages us all to find our gentleness within and offer it to a world in need of an ethics informed by a tender and open heart."
- Pilar Jennings, Ph.D, psychoanalyst, lecturer, and author of To Heal a Wounded Heart
Table of Contents
Chapter One: On Gentleness
To Be in the World Unheld
Sensitivity and Gentleness
Gentleness, Violence and the Drive toward the Good
Chapter Two: The Path of Gentleness
Behavior, Meditation, and Wisdom
The Necessary Equipment
Gentleness and Destructiveness
Nina: An Unconscious Struggle between the Gentleness of Mind and Internalized Social Norms
Some Reflections on the Attitude to Truth
Chapter Three: Between Pain and Pleasure
Khanasutta: The Opportunity
The Mind’s Substrate
The Good Object
A Good Environment
Holding a Gentle Baby
Louise: A Choreography of Nuances
Necessary Goodness and Instinctual Gratification
The Adult Mind
From Prince to Ascetic
Sensation and Thirst
The Mind that Sees Itself
The Objects of Desire
Chapter Four: A Home in the Universe
Becoming, Separation, and Fear
The Big Bang
Truth and Faith: Following the Signs of Existence
Some Words about Memory, Desire, and Knowledge
Faith as a Scientific State of Mind
Saddha: Sober Faith
Holding and Surrender
Dwelling in the Unsettled Space of Not-Knowing
Chapter Five: Attention as an Environment
Conditioned Arising: Self-Environment Relations
Associating: Examining the Elements in the Environment
A Sense of Environmental Toxicity
Discord and Harmony
Two Species of Accuracy
Inner Attentional Environment: The Mental Space
The Interpersonal Attentional Environment: Quiet Love and Openness to Truth
Marina: To Lend an Ear to the Feeble, To See the Hidden Through a Veil
Holding and Letting Go
Non-Clinging and Movement
Instrumental vs Non-Instrumental Thinking
Rigidity, Flexibility and Dissolution
Giving up on a Sense of Expertise
Out of Chaos, Form Arises
Conditioned Arising: An Environment within the Self within the Environment
Epilogue: Reflections on Time and Space
About the Author
Michal Barnea-Astrog, PhD, is a researcher of psychoanalysis and Buddhism, a senior Hakomi trainer, and a therapist in private practice. She teaches at the East Asian Studies Department at Tel Aviv University and is the founder and head of the Three-Year Hakomi Training in Israel. She is the author of Carved by Experience: Vipassana, Psychoanalysis, and the Mind Investigating Itself.