In the aftermath of infidelity, couples often struggle with emotional turmoil and sometimes make decisions they later regret. Getting Past the Affair helps them overcome the initial shock, understand what happened and why, and think clearly about their best interests before they act. Based on the combined insight of leading marital therapists and researchers, this unique program encourages couples and individuals to take things one step at a time, whether they stay together or part ways. Research shows that roughly two-thirds of those who use the approach find it significantly beneficial, making it the only program to have been empirically tested-and proven-to help partners restore trust and rebuild their marriage after an affair. Even in cases where reconciliation is impossible, this compassionate, insightful book emphasizes ways for readers to recover personally and avoid emotional scars so they can pursue healthier relationships in the future. --- from the publisher
"It has been 4 years since the affair. The hurt lingered for what felt like forever, but our marriage was too precious to just give up on it. Working through understanding how it happened, and how to finally move past it and recover, was the most important thing. We couldn't have made it without the program in this book."-Ann and Patrick O.
"A worthy and important contribution to understanding and helping couples face one of the worst problems in a marriage."
-John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
"This book is like a daily 'house call' from your own personal relationship expert. It is a 'must read' for anyone trying to recover from the trauma of an affair and make good decisions about the future."
-Peggy Vaughan, DearPeggy.com, author of The Monogamy Myth
"A book of exceptional wisdom, compassion, and practical advice from a dynamite team of therapists and researchers. I wish every couple who has experienced the trauma of an affair would read this remarkable book."-William J. Doherty, PhD, author of Take Back Your Marriage
"This is a wise guide and one I will enthusiastically recommend."-Frank Pittman, MD, author of Private Lies
I. How Do We Stop Hurting?
1. What's Happening to Us?
2. How Do We Get Through the Day?
3. How Do We Talk with Each Other?
4. How Do We Deal with Others?
5. How Do We Care for Ourselves?
II. How Did This Happen?
6. Why Stir Everything Up?
7. Was My Marriage to Blame?
8. Was It the World Around Us?
9. How Could My Partner Have Done This?
10. What Was My Role?
11. How Do I Make Sense of It All?
III. Can This Marriage Be Saved?
12. How Do I Get Past the Hurt?
13. Can This Marriage Be Saved?
14. What Lies Ahead?
About the Authors:
Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, is Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training at Texas A&M University. He received the American Psychological Association's award for Distinguished Contributions to Family Psychology for his research on marital satisfaction and therapy. He has a private practice in College Station, Texas.
Donald H. Baucom, PhD, is Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. His research, funded in part by the National Institutes for Health, focuses on couples and marriage. He is ranked as one of the top marital therapists and researchers in the United States.
Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Tennessee. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple therapy. She maintains a private practice in Knoxville, Tennessee.